Good Bye, Jakarta

The J-town, the big city that I have never wanted to live in. I just didn’t think it’s the right place for me. Well, under one or two personal circumstances, I decided to move in. Entered this city with all the promises, the trust, the happiness that I thought will last forever (shoot! I feel stupid now :D), the first 2 months were as sweet as honey. Then that storm was striking me so hard right to the head. I didn’t know how to describe this one. Another surprise, I had to deal with a cheater on my own, the one thing that I mostly avoid in my life. Well, I could say that my life was over at that time. I wasn’t as strong as I thought. I thought that I was independent enough, none. I thought that I was logical enough, failed. I thought that I trust the right person, totally wrong! At that time, I felt that i learn nothing for my whole life, I felt stupid.

It wasn’t easy for me, definitely not easy. Facing the fact that I gave up everything, my dream, my believe, my money, and any other things, it turned out that I had nothing. Nothing. Not even a friend.

Well, I felt sad, betrayed, cheated, alright. Then what? Until when? A thought has came through my mind, that this is the risk I had chosen. No matter how hard I defend myself, no matter how strong I blame someone, this is my risk. And I had to deal with it, there’s no other choices. No matter how pushy I tried to find the answer of ‘why this is happening to me’ or ‘what did you do behind me’, I realize that I would never get the answer when the time is not right. I had my sad moment, yes. But I also have a life to deal with. I just need to accept it, stop asking, forgive myself, and re-arrange my future plan. I can simply smile or laugh about it now, but those 3 recovery months were tough. Very tough, I couldn’t walk or run, I crawled. Thank you my homeboys for always be there for me, supporting me, eventhough we’re miles away.

In the other hand, Jakarta has filled me with working environment. I started my career as a recruiter & administration in a multinational company. I’m pretty content recalling that I have passed that rough time without affecting my professional life. Beside providing new experiences, my job has been becoming my getaway where I could put aside all the hatred and angry feeling that definitely unhealthy for me. I’m so grateful for the best colleagues in Appco. 1 year and 3 months together with you all has coloured my life and bring it to a new level. Thank you Jakarta for making me tough, teaching me about how to value trust, training me to be communicative, and of course, conveying new perceptions. Although I have no any plan yet to come back and stay, I think I’ll still be around to transit, like usual. But for now, all I can say is goodbye.

"I'm a young soul in this very strange world, hoping I could learn a bit bout what is true and fake. But why all this hate try to communicate, finding trust and love is not always easy to make" Yael Naim - New Soul

So Long, Kuala Lumpur

3 years of having ‘quality time’ with Kuala Lumpur, you are officially my 2nd home. You nurtured me very well to be independent, to understand deeply about friendship and family, about trust, about tough times, and of course about believing in myself.

You have welcomed me with open arms since the first time. And you’ve never stopped giving me new experiences since then. You have taken the most important role in shaping identity that I’ve been looking for this whole time.

I came from a small town to a big city. Without knowing a single person. All the way by myself, when I was 18 yo. You know what happened? I was homesick. I thought I’d be feeling homesick after 3 months staying or so. No. Right at the time I was landed in KL and got into my dorm, I felt homesick right away. I just realized the stupid move I took, when I was thousand miles away from my family. I was not ready. Then I remembered what my mom said, “If you get lost, ask.” I still could recall those 30 minutes of homesick-ness. Then I took a deep breath, I knew that I could not just sit down and feel homesick, I should do something. I came out from my room, hang out in the livingroom, met a fellow Indonesian, and another Indonesian, and some international students, we had dinner at the downtown, came back to my dorm and found my Korean house-mates. The next thing I knew, I was hanging out with new friends in new places everyday.

But, it’s only the beginning, only the introduction. Among those fun times, I have bestfriends who always kept my feet back on the ground. Felix and Dita. My second family. There are no words could describe and reveal what we had been through together. KL and two of them will never ever be separated. They are reminding me of family, love, unconditional support, unlimited care, discussions, projects, dinners, laughters, disagreements, they are both my brother & sister, part of my heart. We were not always together, we had our own lives, but we always be there whenever we needed each other. I dont know, our relationship was just special. And it still does. We are apart in 3 different places, doing our things, missing each other, yet still connected closely.

I had to be independent, working my ass off to survive. Survive in college and survive in the environment. Nothing had come easy on me. However, thank God I was surrounded with great friends who were like my own families.Well, I believe that a strong relationship is built through hard times. Therefore, thank you for letting me learn in the last 3 years, for all the precious experiences, for all the sweet memories, and for the great families I have found. So long KL, you are definitely a part of my life.

"I'm a new soul I came to this strange world, hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take. But since I came here, felt the joy and the fear, finding myself making every possible mistake" Yael Naim - New Soul

See You, Semarang

A place I proudly called a hometown. I shall thank you for being my playground, a place for me to grow, a place for me to experience bitterness, a place for me to  find best friends, a place that introduced me to a beautiful thing called love, the first place that creates me for whatever I am today. To start the journey of my life with my grandparents, I was fully getting everybody’s attention towards me for being the ‘last child’. Everything is there, everything is ready for me. When a mother/father is not there for her/his child, she/he tends to find the substitute of her/his presence by pampering the child. Well, I know it now. I was innocencely happy back then J

Being a teenager was not easy for me, maybe it’s the hardest part of my life. A naive young lady came to town, she had to face the real life. Understanding that her life was not perfect at all, creating a rebellious soul filled with hatred, she believed that life has been being unfair to her. I could laugh it up now, but before, I was seriously angry about it. I tried everything new to me, I did everything I want, I wanted revenge. So many possibilities of me being damage, but you, yes you Semarang, you and your nature (I believe) kept saving me, you wrapped me with good people, you introduced me to wonderful people, they are closed to my heart, and they do until now.

High school was the vital stage of my life in shaping character. Being more aware of what I do, what I say, what I think, who I want to befriend with, etc. Experiencing ‘sense of belonging’ in terms of love life, I could say that high school mostly coloured with romance and friendship. However, I used to dream high and brave in taking risk. I decided to continue study abroad. Leaving all families, bestfriends and boyfriend with their sweet memories. Bravely (yet still naive) stepping out from this country all alone.

Being a kid who never lived with parents, I was unintentionally shaped to be independent under my mother’s watch. And yes, I have decided to move out to find new experiences. But I believe that you’ll be taking care my loved ones, thus I will always coming back to you, Semarang. It’s never a goodbye, so I’ll say “See you..”

“Round my hometown, memories are fresh. Round my hometown, oh the people I’ve met are the wonders of my world” Adele – Hometown Glory 

Say It

You were my passion, before you turned me down

You said you love me, but now you don’t

You left me, you pushed me out

You put all finger on me, I don’t know what you were talking about

Say it, I don’t read people’s mind

Well I do, but not with you from now on

I am standing strong, even though I keep thinking that it is wrong

I am ready to be on my own, but you keep hanging around

Tease me, bother me, upset me

Why suddenly you wonder much about my days?

Say it, I don’t read signs

Well I do, but not from you anymore

I loved you, not a question

You hurt me deep, you’re out of my concern

"Jangan Sakiti Anak Yatim" - Don't Hurt the Fatherless Child

I had a quite long chat with a friend of mine in the middle of the night in the dining room. Just 2 tired people tried to kill the night, and it happens that he's one of my new friends so that we had a lot of things to be talk about. I told him to be only 30 minutes staying at my house because we need to take a rest to work in the morning, it turned out to be 2 hours long conversation.

Talked about each of us, I think I was dominating the conversation with my experiences such as traveling, meeting new people, staying abroad for 3 years, family, etc. From our conversation that night, one thing that struck me at that time and hardly to forget was his comment about how lucky I am.

I did tell him about my fluke that happens almost all the time in any way from anyone. And it was quite obvious for someone who believes in good luck. He just listened and suddenly drew an assumption and says,

“Of course you have a great luck, God loves you, and He protects you. And do you know one thing? Don’t you dare to hurt the fatherless child. You know why you always get things done smoothly? He’s granted your prayers. That’s why I always be careful with the fatherless children because their prayers are powerful“

At that time I was surprised. In a way, that I know for sure and no doubt that God loves me, I feel it in my blood, in my heart, and in my soul. But still, I don’t know that it’s that powerful (or he's exaggerating! lol). It’s what I’ve been looking for, I’ve been looking for a father figure. Well, He always there beside me even INSIDE of me all the time. It totally makes sense to me, I always see that father is someone who always keep your back no matter what, who will always be the one you come into when you got troubles or when someone is hurting you, someone to complain to, or someone who will highly proud of you when you achieve something great.

And I know that for this whole time, I did that to my God, I have no father who is physically in front of me or even just a call away when I feel either sad or happy. So I did it all directly to him. I did it to my mother too, but what can a single mother do, she’s far away, she’s not 100% healthy to come over, she has my brother to be taken care of, all that she can do is just sending me the most powerful medicine in the world, her prayer.

God really is my father. I’d been angry to Him, felt that life is not fair, why too much disappointment, why I got this and that, blah blah blah. He’d punished me from being naughty or annoyingly requesting too much of things. He’d guided me every time I feel confused. He’d calmed me down every time I feel angry. He’d embraced me every time I feel lonely.

I just realize it now... and I’m deeply in love… :)

For those who still have both of their parents, well obviously you should be grateful for that because that's the most beautiful thing in this world, to have a grand family. However, beautiful for me is about receiving of what you’ve been giving as painful as it is could be, but you still happy with it :)

“God is an experience of supreme love”

Hello there :)

surprise surprise, finally I enter this blogging world, which i never thought of before lol.

just to make it clear and short (so that you won't feel strange either), I'm an Indonesian who is practically studying in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I've been chasing this degree certificate for three years and this is my last semester (hurray!). I start blogging to fill my spare time after I finished my thesis (yeay!) as well as waiting for my exams. bored with reading updates on twitter and facebook, I think why not I start to write, even though I doubt about its worthiness lol.

I'm a 21 year old girl who fortunately never caused any big problem that could lose my mom's temper, even she admitted once that she is very proud of me (that's very thoughtful of her to say, concerning that me and my mom's relationship is not physically close). the most protrusive thing that I like is traveling and luckily my mom has never became an obstacle of it regarding parent's permission. and it seems that I'm naturally meant to travel a lot (lol) because once I found my "kid's diary" (you know, small cute pink notes that has been written about daily activities at school or whatsoever) and I wrote "someday, I want to study abroad". can you imagine how a fifth grade kid had that kind of wish? I know modern kids do, but it was a long ago before studying abroad is a trend or common. and in my defense, I lived in a very small village, so yeah I'm proud that I thought about this stuff back then LOL.

So far I've been to 4 countries (one new country every year started on 2007) and I know it hasn't something yet, but I believe I'll be all around the world someday :) I can start rambling about my trips but it will diminish my main purpose: to greet you all!

all right then, so welcome to my blog :)